Tag: stress

A Living Heart

~ Vanessa ~ 1 Comment

At wits end I balance;

Balancing,
I tight rope walk on feet that are raw,
hold in a pulsating primal scream of release,
That might offend other’s ears;

A caregiver,
I gather the weight,
The pain,
The scars
and the “I just cant”-s in a container of compassion, composed of empathy;
My beating heart feels the pressure
To do and hold it all;
And to yet remain softened,
While the beating muscle toughens from use,
And so
At times I fall
I melt,
Like the tears from my own eyes,
I collapse into that of which I am most made
Water,
And of this substance
I may release,
Relax,
Soothe, and soak
heal a living heart,
And from this recompose.

Pent-Up

~ Vanessa ~ 1 Comment

Get it out
The pent up
The block;
You,
Levee on the verge of break
Needing
controlled release

Express the unsaid
The wordless,
With body, spirit, mind,
Any way
To let out
The In,
The feelings
The feeling trapped
Get out
Of the cage that
Is both unlocked
And ever
open

Duress

~ Vanessa ~ Leave a comment

I was critical of my result,
Fearful I was deemed less
Progressive,
less inclusive,
Less open-minded,
less accepting,
less anti-racist,
Less,
Less
Than I see myself,
Than I wish to be,
What can I fix?
What can I make be
What I know is more authentically
me?
But check,
Check one,
Check one, two, three,
There’s more to the picture than I had perceived,
There’s a place I reside where I am alone,
Where shielding my differences
Is how I make this
Safe–“home”,
More comfortable than were I out bearing all,
Being me,
Being free,
I’m enclosed in the wild open,
Still a black girl in Maine,
A rare, wild specimen,
Afraid of being tracked,
Tagged,
hunted by the
Majority,
whom I’m swimming in,
Marginality makes me weary,
Getting closer to authenticity is my aim,
But duck and weave is the game,
I am no less,
Just extremely
stressed,
Identity under duress

Unchanged

~ Vanessa ~ Leave a comment

It all falls apart,
The wounds we thought we healed tear
Open
Again,
Habits unchanged,
Characters the same,
We are dancing around in the dark,
Pretending it’s a new day,
But everything is as it once
was
Again