Tag: sorrow

Hate Being Right

~ Vanessa ~ 1 Comment

2016:

Pattern recognition,

Look, look! I said,

I saw the signs.

I know my histories, 

Histories that pump with both guilt, and defiant survival in my mulatto veins

Histories of Europe, of Africa, of brave new worlds of US,

Of capitalism and conquest,

Doctrine of discovery

Of colonization,

And enslavement,

And subjugation, 

And decimation,

Of erasure,

Of cruelty of the most egregious kind, 

The kind too sick to even imagine.

Only, I asked you to imagine it, 

to 

connect 

the 

dots,

To try to

Stop it!

–But I 

was “crazy”,

But I 

was “unwell”

…2026:

But I saw true,

Just maybe it took a little 

longer 

than foretold, 

But, here we are.

Distraught and livid,

 I’m still in it,

Just changed, 

Still trying to plan how to just be;

Survive,

And to help pull us, 

minister us through hell. 

I knew too much, 

Too soon,

Ahead of the times.

But, maybe for once the historians, the oracles, the crazies just needed the mic in the room,

To have kept us from this present doom.

And now the black truck wagons I saw circle,

In this Apocalypse of our own making,

it burns my tongue not to mention it,

And I don’t

(It is of no use now)

There’s No satisfaction in this “I told you so”

But, God damnit, 

I hate having been right.

(On Your Next Plane) Fly Free

~ Vanessa ~ Leave a comment

I am
wrecked
by guilt
That I never thought this possible
That I never reached out
before
You were gone,
Before
you were gone too soon,
Taken by a force too much
For your precious body,
You were more to us
Than you ever knew,

I should have told you,
You were an inspiration,
I should have told you,
You were a light,
I should have told you,
You were a best friend,
I hope you knew,

For now it is too late,
And I curse fate,
For taking the good so soon,
Too soon,
Before you had lived your life,
Been old with time,
May your body rest
in peace,
May your soul
fly free,
To inhabit the next phase of your metamorphosis,

This world was not deserving
of your beauty,
Of your goodness,
And for that I am sure
this is not the end
For you,
On your next plane
you will do,
you will be,
Something even greater,
More deserving of your soul,
You will be missed,
My soul sister,
And as tears burn my eyes,
I know for your soul I do not cry,
But for the loss of our world from knowing you,
May we find you again,
In a free spirit,
In a new babe born,

Dearest,
More than anything you are loved,
And dearest
Oh how you shall be missed,
Visit us when you can,
In the whisper of the wind,
In a smile from a memory,
And I do not doubt it,
That you
We shall never forget.

For Me

~ Vanessa ~ Leave a comment

He played a song
For me,
A song he said was mine,

Written surely
For me,
He confessed,
And I saw in his eyes a tenderness,
I had not seen before,
That read of love, and hurt,
and fear,
That said he had before wept tears,
And that those had been for me,
Over me too.