Tag: seperation

How to Heal

~ Vanessa ~ Leave a comment

I can’t but feel the ache,
The burn of loss,
Each moment I am awake,
I’ve lost a trust,
A sense of companionship
Of a valued friend and lover,
I want to forgive,
But there is too much
Of the wound left untreated,
Too much,
Left unanswered,
I don’t know how to heal betrayal,
I hate you,
For this pain,
But I love you,
And that’s why I’m in this position,
I almost think this is your intent,
If you don’t want me
Just say it,
Speak up,
Use your words,
Loud and clear,
Let me figure out how to live,

Without you.

Love and Hurt

~ Vanessa ~ Leave a comment

Written 2010

I do not know how to foster
the kind of patience, understanding,
and strength that i need, that this requires.
I don’t know how to keep sane
when everything around me
is pure insanity.
i don’t know how to be loving,
though I love,
when everything in my nature
tells me “this hurts, don’t accept, fight back”.
and so, i read and read,
searching in words to find the answers,
that i already know.
answers that are before me
just as stories, stories that tell our lives.
Our lives in different locations,
with different names, and dates. but no solutions,
no fixes.
we are the guinea pigs for this life,
and we’ve so far been dealt a difficult hand.
we love and we hurt,
we hurt and we love
and that is how we live
in our little home

Stay

~ Vanessa ~ Leave a comment


July 3, 2017

I will sit here,
For you
Just to be near
Is all I ask
To feel your presence,
Even if in spirit

We are fragile souls,
Older, wiser,
Cautious
But it’s a pull
That keeps tugging
At heart strings

Want,
Need

to be

Able to shelter
The one
Who is unconditionally
Loved
No matter how I might try
to forget

I write my song
For him to hear
I could go
But here I’ll stay
Hoping he may just
listen,
Find comfort in my words
And refrain from asking
My swollen heart
To go away

Dowsing

~ Vanessa ~ Leave a comment


July 1, 2017

I search
In daylight
In the night

In crowds of faces
In the rain
In snow

In the country
In the city
Here
And there

In story
In song
And in legend…

For in my dreams
you no longer come,
As I’ve lost
too much of myself
meeting you there

And memory has fossilized,
been reimagined
in different shapes and color

And yet the same ache returns
Knowing what I’ve known
And may never experience again

But having known it
I still feel the warmth that comes
from having felt love

That lingering feeling
is what makes it
nearly impossible
to let go
entirely

And so without intention
My heart seeks
And unexpectedly
reminds endlessly,
of you