Waxing poetic on thoughts, theory & the times
Though we may not be “together”
My heart feels for you,
And I wish nothing but life’s bounty for you,
Our souls entwined for so long made separation near impossible,
But by tearing asunder,
We each wear a gaping wound,
And while I wish it were not so,
I can only pray it was for the best,
May we each heal separately,
To find what we need most vitally
To individually thrive,
Propagating our own beautiful futures.
The flowers were dying,
And yet remained beautiful
Even with rust-colored edges,
I grieved to see them go,
As petals fell,
And valued them in their present state,
But knew even this too shall pass;
I cut a sample of each,
Hung up to dry,
And the memory of the intent and this treasure
Is preserved.
I wanted so desperately
To be free of hurt;
I threw everything
To the wind
And over months watched it settle
And here again is the pain;
It was more than what I thought,
A symptom
Of a cause I still do not understand,
I ache for pieces of the past
That I find comfort in,
But this is past tense,
And I am tense
Wanting to try again,
Unable to move
In any way,
Unsure of what next,
Or how;
But yes, I feel it still
I want to break down
These walls we’ve erected,
That I laid the first brick of,
I want to call and apologize
And tell you how I really feel,
Still;
Leave nothing unsaid.
But I don’t and I won’t;
Still,
Something reminds me,
I’m obstinate;
And I often do what I feel,
Against best advice
Fear
Makes me deny hard truths
Only few know,
And I hide
To cover what I bare;
Regretful am I
Of this tendency
And where it leaves me here
Solitary;
I want to apologize,
For all the individual wrongs,
But I fear we’re past that now,
You have moved on,
But I am stuck
In 2022
Starting to pay for
My refusal to see
I was a problem;
It was never just someone
or something else;
But me;
My want for a fuller life
Together
Made me override,
Overrule,
Take the reigns
I had no right to hold alone;
And you knew me
When I could not see
Me for me;
Especially when I wasn’t being
Me;
I faulted you for saying
The things I did not want
To hear
And now I’m sitting here
Writing
About them,
Trying to figure out
How to climb out
Of this ocean of hurt
With waves that only tease
With a short relief of air;
I am sorry for everything,
You were right,
And now I’m not there;
No, I’m lost
Alone.
My heart knows love,
It once knew it was loved in return,
But then life threw daggers at each others hearts,
And confused the source:
The cause and reason,
Blame my illness,
And I blame yours;
Fault jobs,
And money,
Close quarters,
Distance,
And meddling,
Thus, so much has been laid bare,
Exposing the sinewy complicated beneath,
And the heal seemed impossible.
Until we separated,
Like angry children
Once best friends;
And life,
Through the child,
forces us back again,
And our differences and the past
Start to seem like a cruel illusion,
But the tears
And the hurt of separation is all too real,
Tangible in each trembling heartbeat,
I mourn the loss of my lover,
But I agonize over the loss of my best friend.
She of Letters 