Cannot Hold Me Back

I write my best work
At 3 am,. or 4 or 5
Before the sun light has made it’s debut
When life and distractions cannot hold me back
When I feel most with my heart and soul
And the pen has all the control
I write my best
When I have space
To reminisce,
To reflect,
To contemplate
The past and future
The present now
Now the Moon is present
And she knows my soul,
My thoughts, my secrets,
My loves my losses,
Now I am most here
With myself,
To be myself,
And to find who I am
Today

Practice Preacher

If, when, maybe
I become a minister
I will pray for you,
As I always do
I will pray for love and peace,
And possibility of
What is good
That perhaps we yet have not even known to be,

I will be the poetess
The priestess to the unknowable infinite
Will grant space for sorrow
To comfort and heal,
Will learn patience as I have never known,
Will be broken so that I might grow infinitely toward whole

I will cultivate bravery
For self to be for the other,
Will challenge ignorance,
Starting with my own,

If I become,
What I am dreaming,
To be
It starts with realizing
In this moment
I am already studying
My introspection is part of the path

Perhaps I have always been
–This student of people;
This student of life;
This student of philosophy,
Always searching for the meta reasons
Now acknowledging reverence and awe in cosmology,
In universal psychology,
Wondering why at an unanswerable level,
But through humbled acquiesce to the universe
In all it’s mystery

If and when I am granted a title,
I will surely not need it anymore,
I will find most satisfaction
In being the eternal learner to the everything,
–That I seek most
Self realization
That I am already
a student preacher

Metaphysics of Me: A Memoir

I was born

A yesterday of yesterdays

Bare,

But skin to my back,

I find family in spectral hues of epidermis,

Find love

Where it was,

and where it was not

to be promised at first

I grow,

stirring,

Determined,

Bossy,

to say the least,

I am a strong stalked flower,

My curls

Lush chocolate petals

I am the butterfly

That from a caterpillar

changed its shape and color,

Before your eyes slowly emerging,

Wings wet

with new and dew,

I come to be through struggle,

Overcoming adversity,

My fears

Are not of darkened shadows

But of the void of unknown ifs,

Fearful possibilities

Of life unlived,

I am the philosopher

With a problem

For every solution,

I am a seeker,

a thinker,

a complex web

Of as yet thought thoughts,

Give me time

I ask,

-So ask we all,

I am building my legend,

Piece by piece,

I am a lover,

Of few,

And all,

Holding my treasured so tightly

For fear they might break,

I give and give,

Wanting so much to multiply the love,

Into endless existence,

I am a creator,

An artist,

The young life before me,

Is my greatest piece,

I nurture,

water,

feed,

teach,

tend,

inspire her

In ways I know,

And in ways anew,

She is my story,

with a story of her own,

I am a mystic,

Finding light

in new corners,

Unexpected beauty

from the universal source,

Finding truth,

In the metaphysics

Experienced as if new,

I am the ill and well

In one package,

My healing and my hurting

Are not easily untangled from each other,

But both toughen the core,

With scar tissue

My inner

And outer

Are reborn,

I am everything

In me,

A soul with many

Names

Titles

To identify me,

But my soul

Ageless,

Graceful,

As it floats through being,

The essence

In all aspects of me

What comes next

I wonder,

But dare not guess,

Suspense

Makes this life fuller,

With richness

So decadent it can be tasted,

Can be sensed

In the air,

In the textures,

In the living,

In the every

Next moment

That will,

And does,

Then still

Inspires.

On Rebirth

I can see my healing now,
In my words…

Before, I had grasped widely
for hold of sanity,
My mind spun,
Outlining all the abstracts
Seeing the metaphysics of everything
Until, like the universe
I exploded
In a big bang of psychosis

Then slowly
Though Not understanding the why
I began to pick up the pieces of self

Little by little
I write my way out
And back
And reflect on
What happened?
What had I become?
What was I becoming?

Was I flowering or
Decomposing
When I exploded?
Or both?
Or was this just
Another
One of many
Of my rebirths?