A Living Heart

At wits end I balance;

Balancing,
I tight rope walk on feet that are raw,
hold in a pulsating primal scream of release,
That might offend other’s ears;

A caregiver,
I gather the weight,
The pain,
The scars
and the “I just cant”-s in a container of compassion, composed of empathy;
My beating heart feels the pressure
To do and hold it all;
And to yet remain softened,
While the beating muscle toughens from use,
And so
At times I fall
I melt,
Like the tears from my own eyes,
I collapse into that of which I am most made
Water,
And of this substance
I may release,
Relax,
Soothe, and soak
heal a living heart,
And from this recompose.

Processing

I am processing,
All the recent things,
Rehashing what was
To understand what is;
This is difficult, necessary labor,
To birth the new,
the next
version of me,
With an upgrade in process,
Excuse any confusion
While my system comes up to date.

Returned

https://youtu.be/YJfNFy0213g

I
never realized I was held
by fear of him
Until I gained the strength
to go;
Until push came hard enough to shove
And I realized
I
was not yet
as fully powerful
As I thought,
While I stayed,
Under his weight;

It was in the run,
In running
Away
That
I
felt the surge
Felt the start
Of me coming into me,

In the run
I
saw who I was
saw who I could be,
Saw myself standing out of his shadow,
And saw what I was capable of;

In leaving,
I
returned.

Bravery for Us All

Bravery
Is something I nie run short on
Unless it comes down
To my own sake,
I will be first to support,
To voice, to rise,
To link arms with another,
For another;
But may I remember
Being brave,
In support of self
Is being brave for us all,
Too.

Aligned

Somewhere along the way
I had forgotten that
Joy
Was for me too;
I had forgotten the very feel,
The flavor
Of “Happy”,
Until something
Shifted;
Planets aligned,
And it was suddenly clear that
Satisfaction in
The beauty and majesty
of simple
And complex Joy
Is also
Mine