A Living Heart

At wits end I balance;

Balancing,
I tight rope walk on feet that are raw,
hold in a pulsating primal scream of release,
That might offend other’s ears;

A caregiver,
I gather the weight,
The pain,
The scars
and the “I just cant”-s in a container of compassion, composed of empathy;
My beating heart feels the pressure
To do and hold it all;
And to yet remain softened,
While the beating muscle toughens from use,
And so
At times I fall
I melt,
Like the tears from my own eyes,
I collapse into that of which I am most made
Water,
And of this substance
I may release,
Relax,
Soothe, and soak
heal a living heart,
And from this recompose.

Processing

I am processing,
All the recent things,
Rehashing what was
To understand what is;
This is difficult, necessary labor,
To birth the new,
the next
version of me,
With an upgrade in process,
Excuse any confusion
While my system comes up to date.

Returned

I
never realized I was held
by fear of him
Until I gained the strength
to go;
Until push came hard enough to shove
And I realized
I
was not yet
as fully powerful
As I thought,
While I stayed,
Under his weight;

It was in the run,
In running
Away
That
I
felt the surge
Felt the start
Of me coming into me,

In the run
I
saw who I was
saw who I could be,
Saw myself standing out of his shadow,
And saw what I was capable of;

In leaving,
I
returned.

Bravery for Us All

Bravery
Is something I nie run short on
Unless it comes down
To my own sake,
I will be first to support,
To voice, to rise,
To link arms with another,
For another;
But may I remember
Being brave,
In support of self
Is being brave for us all,
Too.

Aligned

Somewhere along the way
I had forgotten that
Joy
Was for me too;
I had forgotten the very feel,
The flavor
Of “Happy”,
Until something
Shifted;
Planets aligned,
And it was suddenly clear that
Satisfaction in
The beauty and majesty
of simple
And complex Joy
Is also
Mine