Tag: Regret

After the Fall

~ Vanessa ~ Leave a comment

Turned around in reflection,
What I found
I couldn’t accept,
Couldn’t escape,
Digging deeper, I aimed
to connect the pieces,
To right the wrongs
Atone for my transgressions
From when I didn’t know
Me,
And of my falling;
Fallen,
I have to stop
Now,
And look up
To see the light that guided me
back here to my ground-zero;
New moves,
About-face
to pull up
Stand strong,
Be proud
Of all I’ve come through
and back again,
Ready now
To live,
To write next pages
With fresh ink
Vision cleared,
Purpose,
And a sharpened point to this,
My life

Feel It Still

~ Vanessa ~ Leave a comment

I wanted so desperately
To be free of hurt;
I threw everything
To the wind
And over months watched it settle
And here again is the pain;
It was more than what I thought,
A symptom
Of a cause I still do not understand,
I ache for pieces of the past
That I find comfort in,
But this is past tense,
And I am tense
Wanting to try again,
Unable to move
In any way,
Unsure of what next,
Or how;
But yes, I feel it still

Best Friend

~ Vanessa ~ Leave a comment

My heart knows love,
It once knew it was loved in return,
But then life threw daggers at each others hearts,
And confused the source:
The cause and reason,
Blame my illness,
And I blame yours;
Fault jobs,
And money,
Close quarters,
Distance,
And meddling,
Thus, so much has been laid bare,
Exposing the sinewy complicated beneath,
And the heal seemed impossible.
Until we separated,
Like angry children
Once best friends;
And life,
Through the child,
forces us back again,
And our differences and the past
Start to seem like a cruel illusion,
But the tears
And the hurt of separation is all too real,
Tangible in each trembling heartbeat,
I mourn the loss of my lover,
But I agonize over the loss of my best friend.

Sorry.

~ Vanessa ~ Leave a comment

November 28, 2016

I am sorry,
for my forthcoming,
for my audacity
At the wrong times
my delayed boldness
sometimes,
always,
gets the best of me.
When for me
answers are finally clear
I sometimes overlook the
Other 7.5 billion people here.

I am sorry.
I am not quite sure
what I had expected.
I did not mean to intrude.
There was a reason
I avoided
indulging
these thoughts,
hopes, memories.

I am sorry.
I respect,
As you did,
I do and will respect
as much for you.
Freeman,
I now know
how much is at stake
When sand slips
An entire decade away

I am sorry.
though before
what was written
still holds true.
I am sorry for my
selfishness.
You are a more noble man
Than I.

I am sorry.
May your hearts be full,
And love surrounding;
Healing,
Happiness,
Meaning,
Purpose,
Peace,
because.

Detour

~ Vanessa ~ Leave a comment

January 2017

I wish
I had
Never gone
Down that path
Forced fate’s hand
But the detour
Was not recent
I derailed
A decade prior to

Long before
My fingerprints
Marked the knob
That turned
And opened the door
And brought me back home