Rigged

My achievement was never
Bought and paid,
Never forged,
But made,
Of blood, sweat, tears,
Of sleepless nights,
Of doubting my abilities,
Suspecting,
Deep down knowing,
This system was rigged,
Yet yearning
For the validation;
From Wellesley, Smith,
Mount Holyoke,
Brandeis, Harvard,

The validation.

And then I got it,
Again and again,
And again,
And I walk away with genuine pride,
But anger,
After what it takes,
And what of self you lose,
To face
A system
That is
and has always been
A game
for the rich.

Benchmarks

Benchmarks of my progress
Hooray for me!
Seeming fine to everybody,
And still I worry,

What is sanity when it can slip
So easily?
I’m good, I’m sure,
But how can I be sure?
What if the figurative demons return?
–The ones I was positive
Were exorcized?
Fear of the return is infrequent
But vigilant I remain
Someone needs to be
Watching for the return of
A me I do not want to be
So I go through the motions
The exercise
To keep unisolated my heart and mind

Sagacious

I will be hopeful
But not crush self with expectation,
My determinism here dances
With a deity of patience,
For closeness to the Divine is what is driving,
I will be prudent, remain grounded,
Whatever the result,
For the path is winding and
May lead
The long way around