December 31, 2006, Revised 2017

When I was 9

Alanis was my idol.

Then came puberty,

that crimson age of loss,

of insecurity,

and I lost it.

I lost it all,

all that innate

proud feminism,

That innocent security,

The accrued will to be,

and certainty

that as long as I tried,

God damn-it,

I could fly.

Then there was you,

With smug looks of judgment,

For me to defeat.

But now I see.

Now I see

Your cynicism

In looks of chauvinism

Masking

insecurity,

inferiority

And I don’t have much more to say.

I’m done trying

To prove anything.

Reach only a little more

No needed boost from you,

No prepared proof,

for patriarchs unknown.

Honest, full-fledged

female identity,

holy intact;

I’ve flown.