Grounding

Sodalite,
Smooth and fitted to my palm,
I hold this tight in my hand,
Anchoring my concerns in this small stone,
To lighten my own vessel,
To smooth over jagged edges of anxiety,
That lights like struck flint, within my core,
Breathing,
Soft, cool air streams through passages,
Into my being,
A worried heart slows in pace,
Patient breaths repeat,
Palm still cradling stone,
My mouth opens
And words sheltered in the cavern of throat
Carefully, thoughtfully, tenderly escape,
My belly pushes forth these sounds in composite form,
As fingers swirl around a hard stone base-
Not visible to my own eye,
But dark blue, brown, and black with delicate lines of white, in memory
From this space, I pull my strength,
Am reminded of my connection to the Earth,
To the interconnected web of existence,
I am made steady,
To pull from myself what I long to communicate;
Grounded,
I am strong.

Bide My Time

I am tired,
Of the painful ache,
Of just,
Just always being out of reach of
A goal,
A something
A something good
That I have patiently waited for…

Desire is a sort of test,
A distraction;
What is not meant for you
Will not come,
No matter how long one waits;
What is meant
Will not pass you by.

Patiently, I bide my time.


Embracing the Dark

https://youtu.be/5MVG7VXHFfg

Lonely is not my end,
It is but a chapter
In my epic story;
Nights alone,
Basking in a blue light
Soothing and healing internal hurts
From love gone wrong
Is where I am meant to be,
Right now,
For now;
Tenderly mending from in to out,
Alone,
to never again be truly lonely;
Here, preparing my heart
For whatever is next,
Building its muscle
To jump back in,
Wanting,
But patient for Love,
Biding my precious time,
For someone loving,
ready and worthy of me,
And what I have to offer in return;
With one life to live,
I will appreciate the embrace of the dark
Until when I am ready and willing,
To be
embraced in the dark.

Puzzle Pieces

At times, the possible evades us,
Not because it’s not there,
But because we’re too scared
To pick through the pieces of what we can see,
The mess,
The muck,
The unclear,
The overwhelm,
And that’s where anxiety brings us,
To see everything and
Nothing at the same time,
Look,
But closer,
Deeper,
One piece at a time,
Even a 1000 piece puzzle
Requires this discipline

Collision

Blunt beep of a monitor,
Calling out because you’re not
Connected,
Needing you near,
Needing you here,
Testing,
Testing,
Testing your
Vital signs,
Signing for life,
Making sure you are
Here,
I wait for you,
And you enter,
Bruised and broken,
Like you’ve just come from a fight,
I smile thinking of the joke you’d make,
About “you should see the other guy,”
“Who are you?” You ask me,
“Who?”
You smile,
Your humor has not been injured,
It is your coping mechanism,
To handle the shock, the disappointment,
The fear, the anger
Over what a collision means
For you,
For all of us,
Your wounded body needs delicate, precise, firm attention,
To bandage trauma more than skin deep,
To mend your pride,
To salve your independence,
This is not an easy fix,
This is a 10000 piece jigsaw,
With pieces missing,
Worn edges to mislead,
This takes trust, takes time, takes patience,
Perseverance,
Takes love,
Love,
And more of it still.