Waxing poetic on thoughts, theory & the times
I am not sure who
I am
Sometimes,
For I lose myself
In loving others
Selflessly,
Only to be the
Battered for
Their ram
My salty,
solitary tears
At times help,
Help me float
As I drift out,
Away,
always
Alone;
Lonely
I can not do it all,
Never was meant to,
I am tired
Of hurting,
And of being alone,
This way,
I fear
my heart calcifying;
And still of me
Demanded
Blood,
From this stone
I can’t but feel the ache,
The burn of loss,
Each moment I am awake,
I’ve lost a trust,
A sense of companionship
Of a valued friend and lover,
I want to forgive,
But there is too much
Of the wound left untreated,
Too much,
Left unanswered,
I don’t know how to heal betrayal,
I hate you,
For this pain,
But I love you,
And that’s why I’m in this position,
I almost think this is your intent,
If you don’t want me
Just say it,
Speak up,
Use your words,
Loud and clear,
Let me figure out how to live,
Without you.
My heart it hangs low
From so many damned woes,
My soul it thus bleeds
We’re almost face to
face,
But you won’t look at me,
Make light with
jokes,
When this is so
Uncomfortable,
I tell you that
I love you,
I’m in love, still,
And you can’t
Return
the
feeling,
But won’t walk away,
Won’t see
me go;
And so belabor the pain.
I love you,
You know that,
And we’ve been through so much,
Come so far,
And I love you,
So I am sorry if I loved you before you were ready,
In a way you can’t love me,
But I love you,
So I want your happiness,
Even if that means without me,
Even if this feels like death,
I am sorry,
sad this is,
As it is
But I am not sorry I love you.
“Let’s go for a walk, “
He said
“Just us,”
And to our daughter that she should stay home with her aunt and uncle,
Unusual,
I made a cryptic joke,
About putting a dog down on such a walk,
I was to realize just how close such a phrase was,
We walked out back
–Our daughter followed,
And we rested in the middle of a vacant path,
And in a clear, but quivering voice
He shot me
With words of “it’s me, not you”,
And “I love you, but I’m not in love…”,
And as tears bled from my brown eyes,
I was suddenly alone,
Part of my heart dying there on the gravel road,
My body has moved,
With aimless motions,
In a daze,
And as it all settles in,
I am still here,
Like a put down dog,
Dying.
She of Letters 