I usually do not have my picture taken,
At times out of shyness,
Usually, because I am the eye
Behind the camera,
But years passed
Where all I saw was flash
From the back,
And captured photos
Reveal a vacuum,
A gaping void of my presence;
So I took it back
My smile,
My face,
My existence before the lens,
Creating memories that include me,
So my child will not have to look back
And just wonder of me;
I support her memory
With my bravery
To be a subject worthy
Of capture in art form.


I am flawed at the seams,
A fragile vessel attempting the impossible,
To nurture another being from inception,
Through being as imperfect as she is,
Up into a bloom,
I am unsuited for such work,
And yet no hands but my own are made for it,
With creases that match the shape of her tiny form,
Worn, but more ready than any other,
A molded human clay,
By living experience,

Discipline and Love

February 4, 2016

“Do not,” “no”
This is discipline
This is love
“Just keep working hard”
This has been
Making you strong
This is because
I might not
–will not,
always be there
To protect you

One day
I will not be able
To say
“No”, “don’t”, “stop”
One day
I will be gone
So now
While I am here
I will prepare you
And make you strong
With all of my “no’s”

30 Going on 15

On the edge of
Pick a job
Any job
What would you like to be?
Your life.
Choose it.
Pick, pick, pick
Pick pick
Tick, tick, tick
Choose wisely.
And here.
You like to do that thing that you mentioned,
that I wasn’t listening to,
and doesn’t matter because you can’t
make money, money,
money, doing
Here, here
Here, just take this and that,
and all those, and fill, and sign, here
And here,
And you had a question?
I couldn’t-
And Here
Here you’ll find that anything you do has a paper trail
No, None here
Here the ink is permanent
That would waste too much
Time to work, work.
Now what was your occupational activity?
Oh yes, that one.
It doesn’t make much money, money
But somehow you’ll have to
Pay at the front,
We accept cash, credit, stocks, bonds, blood
Money to live
To learn,
Money for true happiness
For a good education,
Picket fence,
Marital bliss,
A dog, a house, a car,
2.5 kids.
What? You chose
See page 2000,
Its standard contractual arrangement,
And you’ve already completed parts 4, 5, and 6
A change in the contract brings us back here
We’ve put you together,
Now we must tear you apart.
Now the parts you didn’t read,
You should have before!
No! No tears! There’s no time,
Hurry, you’re a mother,
An adult,
You’re about to be 30!
Now all you have are debts,
Your accomplishments
P(no school, past jobs, and your children don’t count),
Your finances,
Your failures,
Your reason for these claims,
Let’s spread them out.
Trauma? Relive every moment,
and then we’ll “figure something out”.
Childcare? No.
That’s something you must arrange
Should have been better prepared,
For this
For life. You don’t live and learn,
You best just know,
Count the cards just don’t get caught,
This is life,
the luck of the draw,
with notarized agreements.
Ok, you’re complete. Welcome to 30.
Please gather your child, your memories, triumphs, and trials,
and move back half your life,
to 15.