Waxing poetic on thoughts, theory & the times
Hold me
I want you to hold,
To lay close to your beating heart,
As close as we are now apart,
I want
To comfort your being
Of all the fears that pass over your brow,
I want to kiss away tears
That escape your tiring eyes,
I want to love you,
As I was always meant to,
Holding you close,
Like there are no barriers between us,
And I take your name,
As if we are one,
And the same,
May our hearts beat as one,
For always,
My love.
Is this the anxiety male counterparts typically feel,
A coming of age that aches with pangs of hope and fear?
Of possible humiliation
And unrequited feelings;
Laid bare,
Like guitar strings never plucked?
I am lost,
In knowing what I want,
What I’m willing to do and be,
But I’m stepping into shoes that feel too big for me,
Sized 17 to be exact,
Sized for you,
And it fit so perfectly,
Until
I undid us,
Untied it all,
Left us dangling
In my insanity
And now
Now I’ve grown,
I’ve learned,
We’ve grown,
We’ve learned,
And now I want,
I want,
Gluttonous I want nothing but this
And more of this
Of us,
Because I cannot imagine a day
A night,
A moment
That you’re
not,
Nor a moment
That you’re not in
my life,
I would go to the ends of the Earth,
If it meant you might have a moment of peace,
I would bear unspeakable pain
If it meant you could share my greatest gift,
I would go without love,
If I could not have yours,
For you are something
I was undeserving of,
That I was too naïve and fragile to be entrusted with,
And yet you trusted me still.
I am foolish to expect second chances,
Or perhaps fate was never meant to be questioned by a fool,
And opportunity and courage are devised to set things right,
I have never loved as I love this one,
This man that I know, and who knows me,
For whom I am suddenly speechless;
Breathless,
Wanting nothing
but
Every ounce of his being to want and need my own,
And For promises of wizened lovers
Of “until death do us part,”
And even then…
I’m scared
Of being open,
Of letting myself
relax
Enough to feel your touch,
Is it real?
Is this real?
Or just another illusion?
I can’t be,
won’t be,
taken for a fool,
again,
I leave my heart out,
But watch from a distance,
Guarded,
Prepared to snatch it back,
Should your ways appear
Less than
My heart,
She still hurts,
Weight of the past
Pulling,
With each beat,
Beating still,
Beating for you,
But I don’t trust anything anymore,
Familiar places and faces
Are now foreign to me,
Unfamiliar the motions,
For this dance of courtship
Is awkward,
And yet it pulls
Like a magnet,
The force making “us” natural,
Still
This heart she weeps,
Riddled With battle wounds,
This
is going to take
Some time.
The hours we were together were infinite in timespan,
Too much for either to understand,
How idle we became with limitless hours,
And then space opened up,
And our time was stolen
By chaos and confusion,
And then it stopped,
And we were left still riveting,
The inertia of life leaving us dizzy,
Lost in a haze that felt exciting and new,
The honeymoon of us,
And it was as if we were gifted a second chance,
A redo,
An opportunity,
And it was everything,
It was,
It
Was
Until the bottom opened and the wallpaper peeled,
Exposing a something underneath,
Needing to heal,
Something needing care,
And love that I wanted nothing more to give,
Unsure if it would be received,
For nothing is the same,
Each shift
Changes rules of the game,
And I am filled with love,
That I long to give,
That I can only expell
Through tears
As you keep me at arm’s length,
And in the moments that we touch,
That we come close,
Become close,
I am breathless with anticipation,
With fear,
That each moment might be our last,
How gingerly I must tread,
Must care for each second,
For I know what losing you
Feels like,
And I know what having you here
Means to me,
This is a tightrope of epic heights,
For us together,
I’ll do what it takes,
To save our life.
Hold me
Again,
Not like before,
Not like then,
Like now,
Like we’re scared,
Like we’re not sure where we’re going,
Like we are each other’s only hopes,
To see it through the pain,
To feel the love we both still harbor,
Let it go,
Let it out,
Whatever you have left is real,
No,
It will never be the same,
Never be like before,
But it will always be.
The car broke
But we can fix it,
The heart hurts
But we can heal it,
You and I,
Are we,
We can be it,
It’s not over,
Until we can’t feel it,
You for me,
Me for you,
It’s love,
Despite the challenges,
It’s love in spite of the challenges,
It’s love,
That fights the challenges,
That perseveres,
When all else fails,
That turns the days to years,
We are in the eye,
Of the storm,
I won’t leave you now,
Not when one man’s down,
Not when we’re meant to stand,
Together,
Hand in hand.
She of Letters 