Tag: Love

Dowsing

~ Vanessa ~ Leave a comment


July 1, 2017

I search
In daylight
In the night

In crowds of faces
In the rain
In snow

In the country
In the city
Here
And there

In story
In song
And in legend…

For in my dreams
you no longer come,
As I’ve lost
too much of myself
meeting you there

And memory has fossilized,
been reimagined
in different shapes and color

And yet the same ache returns
Knowing what I’ve known
And may never experience again

But having known it
I still feel the warmth that comes
from having felt love

That lingering feeling
is what makes it
nearly impossible
to let go
entirely

And so without intention
My heart seeks
And unexpectedly
reminds endlessly,
of you

​When Alanis was God

~ Vanessa ~ Leave a comment

December 31, 2006, Revised 2017

When I was 9

Alanis was my idol.

Then came puberty,

that crimson age of loss,

of insecurity,

and I lost it.

I lost it all,

all that innate

proud feminism,

That innocent security,

The accrued will to be,

and certainty

that as long as I tried,

God damn-it,

I could fly.

Then there was you,

With smug looks of judgment,

For me to defeat.

But now I see.

Now I see

Your cynicism

In looks of chauvinism

Masking

insecurity,

inferiority

And I don’t have much more to say.

I’m done trying

To prove anything.

Reach only a little more

No needed boost from you,

No prepared proof,

for patriarchs unknown.

Honest, full-fledged

female identity,

holy intact;

I’ve flown.