Waxing poetic on thoughts, theory & the times
You got what you want from me,
A hit,
Just enough to satiate
Your need,
But it’s not me
Or her,
Or her,
Ever,
It’s the chase,
The thrill
Of getting it,
Adoration;
You crave,
When each one caves
And in our caves, you sneak,
So willingly allowed
For love is our aim,
But surprise!
It’s all
Just
An illusion.
You hate waiting,
Sitting on the unknown,
All the inevitable
What ifs
Through the mind slip,
Sanity
Chasing after unrealistic expectations,
Hopes and dreams,
Of things just out of
Reach,
Its a reach
Ice cube’s chance in hell probability
Probably,
its probable
That you’ll be disappointed,
So you lower
Your expectations,
Until you don’t expect
Anything;
Beautiful
look up,
Who hurt your heart?
Made you doubt you deserve?
Hold out
your heart,
But don’t sell out
For less;
Patience,
Sit with your uncomfortable
Knowing you’re the best.
I wanted so desperately
To be free of hurt;
I threw everything
To the wind
And over months watched it settle
And here again is the pain;
It was more than what I thought,
A symptom
Of a cause I still do not understand,
I ache for pieces of the past
That I find comfort in,
But this is past tense,
And I am tense
Wanting to try again,
Unable to move
In any way,
Unsure of what next,
Or how;
But yes, I feel it still
Healing is bittersweet,
It is hope with a tinge of pain,
The sting of loss,
Healing a heart is beautiful,
And sorrowful
With loss amidst the challenge
Of facing the unknown,
It is an escape room,
With the excitement from
The fear itself,
In a contained space,
The heart beats for what was,
The familiar,
And fears even the beauty of a fresh start,
Facing that conflict
is where the healing happens,
A heart is stitched together, bringing opposite sides together
Cry for what was,
But not for what could have been,
Because it wasn’t;
But there is a “will be”
On the horizon,
If you will let it come
To be.
I am not sure who
I am
Sometimes,
For I lose myself
In loving others
Selflessly,
Only to be the
Battered for
Their ram
My salty,
solitary tears
At times help,
Help me float
As I drift out,
Away,
always
Alone;
Lonely
I can not do it all,
Never was meant to,
I am tired
Of hurting,
And of being alone,
This way,
I fear
my heart calcifying;
And still of me
Demanded
Blood,
From this stone
Blunt beep of a monitor,
Calling out because you’re not
Connected,
Needing you near,
Needing you here,
Testing,
Testing,
Testing your
Vital signs,
Signing for life,
Making sure you are
Here,
I wait for you,
And you enter,
Bruised and broken,
Like you’ve just come from a fight,
I smile thinking of the joke you’d make,
About “you should see the other guy,”
“Who are you?” You ask me,
“Who?”
You smile,
Your humor has not been injured,
It is your coping mechanism,
To handle the shock, the disappointment,
The fear, the anger
Over what a collision means
For you,
For all of us,
Your wounded body needs delicate, precise, firm attention,
To bandage trauma more than skin deep,
To mend your pride,
To salve your independence,
This is not an easy fix,
This is a 10000 piece jigsaw,
With pieces missing,
Worn edges to mislead,
This takes trust, takes time, takes patience,
Perseverance,
Takes love,
Love,
And more of it still.
She of Letters 