Embracing the Dark

https://youtu.be/5MVG7VXHFfg

Lonely is not my end,
It is but a chapter
In my epic story;
Nights alone,
Basking in a blue light
Soothing and healing internal hurts
From love gone wrong
Is where I am meant to be,
Right now,
For now;
Tenderly mending from in to out,
Alone,
to never again be truly lonely;
Here, preparing my heart
For whatever is next,
Building its muscle
To jump back in,
Wanting,
But patient for Love,
Biding my precious time,
For someone loving,
ready and worthy of me,
And what I have to offer in return;
With one life to live,
I will appreciate the embrace of the dark
Until when I am ready and willing,
To be
embraced in the dark.

From this Stone

I am not sure who
I am
Sometimes,
For I lose myself
In loving others
Selflessly,
Only to be the
Battered for
Their ram

My salty,
solitary tears
At times help,
Help me float
As I drift out,
Away,
always
Alone;
Lonely

I can not do it all,
Never was meant to,
I am tired
Of hurting,
And of being alone,
This way,
I fear
my heart calcifying;
And still of me
Demanded
Blood,
From this stone

Game Genie

https://youtu.be/ZSUJ5-BxBEs

This spirit has always craved mystery
Of trying for the seemingly impossible;
And yet it fears failure
At the end of a long game;
It fears erasure,
Fears unsaved progress,
Lost

But that was then,
This is now
Game Genie,
Changed it all,
Shifted the odds,
Way back when,
But it was never really the game
or the game system
That was at stake;
It was the mind,
The controller of the hands
holding the game control,

It was the mind shuffling between
Levels of life,
Competition in game,
At school,
At home,
From which friends were those
Fellow players
Sifted out and held close,
For keeps.

Along the way
The cartridges get dusty,
The disks scratch,
The software glitches,
We become tired,
We get distracted
We stop playing, because
Life…

Our fingers need only work the buttons once more,
To remember the sequences,
To do it just
Right
To beat that Boss,
To escape that trap,
To remember it was never
About winning it all
On the first try,
Unless you had “backup”,
I, you, we all
Were never meant to game alone,

But we got older
And we saved our games
And some tucked them away,
Forgetting
Each other

We got older
Our relationships got complicated
And became new games,
Complete with bosses
And real became fake, and fake real

Never mind the console,
Or the title
truthfully,
We are all trying to beat it,
This epic game.
We get minor victories,
And the harsh truth being
We will all eventually get
Game Over

In radically accepting
My eventual,
final KO,
eventually,
I strive to make my own sequences;
Reset to replay my favorite games;
Reconnect with my backup;
And break the rules
That bound me to a fear of failure

If I am going to one day end
I can not
live the game
Afraid to even play.

Puzzle Pieces

At times, the possible evades us,
Not because it’s not there,
But because we’re too scared
To pick through the pieces of what we can see,
The mess,
The muck,
The unclear,
The overwhelm,
And that’s where anxiety brings us,
To see everything and
Nothing at the same time,
Look,
But closer,
Deeper,
One piece at a time,
Even a 1000 piece puzzle
Requires this discipline

Pent-Up

Get it out
The pent up
The block;
You,
Levee on the verge of break
Needing
controlled release

Express the unsaid
The wordless,
With body, spirit, mind,
Any way
To let out
The In,
The feelings
The feeling trapped
Get out
Of the cage that
Is both unlocked
And ever
open

Rx: Breathe

2.12.2023

Anxiety is fear
Like a heartbeat
Like a pulse
A drip,
Fed through the system,
Headed for
And moved unwittingly
By that very heart
To the heart

Breathe in,
Feel;
Feel wind,
Air,
Oxygen
Rush, flood in
Into the system.
A reboot,
An infusion
An intervention,
A pherisis of essence

Breathe out;
For fear, anxiety
Built up is toxin
Is builder of other toxins
In the effort to protect from the hurt

Breathe in;
Smell, taste, feel, know
even see this air,
H20 medicine
That can soothe a frenetic heart
Back into rhythm

Breathe out
So that heart,
And mind too,
May remember their own cycle;
Cycle
Letting tensions go
And of
“Breathing”:
Tensing and relaxing,
Taking and releasing;
Letting flow
In and out