Tag: cheating

Take Some Time

~ Vanessa ~ Leave a comment

I’m scared
Of being open,
Of letting myself
relax
Enough to feel your touch,
Is it real?
Is this real?
Or just another illusion?
I can’t be,
won’t be,
taken for a fool,
again,
I leave my heart out,
But watch from a distance,
Guarded,
Prepared to snatch it back,
Should your ways appear
Less than

My heart,
She still hurts,
Weight of the past
Pulling,
With each beat,
Beating still,
Beating for you,
But I don’t trust anything anymore,
Familiar places and faces
Are now foreign to me,
Unfamiliar the motions,
For this dance of courtship
Is awkward,
And yet it pulls
Like a magnet,
The force making “us” natural,
Still
This heart she weeps,
Riddled With battle wounds,
This
is going to take
Some time.

Out There…

~ Vanessa ~ Leave a comment

It hurts,
How deep you hurt me,
Betrayal doesn’t just fall away,
As it heals,
It leaves a visceral scar,
With an itch,
A deep burn
That remains,

I love
you,
And with that the pain pangs,
A throbbing suspicion lays under
my heart that wants your love,
But also values truth and trust,
Honesty,


Honestly,
Can you love me,
Without want or need,
Of an unknown more,
Question Mark,
Of something
Someone
Out

There…?

How to Heal

~ Vanessa ~ Leave a comment

I can’t but feel the ache,
The burn of loss,
Each moment I am awake,
I’ve lost a trust,
A sense of companionship
Of a valued friend and lover,
I want to forgive,
But there is too much
Of the wound left untreated,
Too much,
Left unanswered,
I don’t know how to heal betrayal,
I hate you,
For this pain,
But I love you,
And that’s why I’m in this position,
I almost think this is your intent,
If you don’t want me
Just say it,
Speak up,
Use your words,
Loud and clear,
Let me figure out how to live,

Without you.

Rigged

~ Vanessa ~ Leave a comment

My achievement was never
Bought and paid,
Never forged,
But made,
Of blood, sweat, tears,
Of sleepless nights,
Of doubting my abilities,
Suspecting,
Deep down knowing,
This system was rigged,
Yet yearning
For the validation;
From Wellesley, Smith,
Mount Holyoke,
Brandeis, Harvard,

The validation.

And then I got it,
Again and again,
And again,
And I walk away with genuine pride,
But anger,
After what it takes,
And what of self you lose,
To face
A system
That is
and has always been
A game
for the rich.