Rejection Sensitivity

For fear of rejection,
I have held back,
Hidden,
And as a reflex run
From sharing my love,
For fear, it will be sneared at
Mocked,
Rejected.

Scared;
I have long kept quiet 3 sacred words.
And created a negative self-fulfiling prophecy.

In doing so I have held back this gift,
From those who I love most.
Leaving behind only regret,
As there are some to whom
I know only now know my truth,
Because they are alas as spirit.

Before that time
Should pass,
You,
Being of my most beloveds,
Please now know,
I love you so.
Deeply,
Truly,
Even madly,
Whatever form or relation be it to me,
I love you still,
Body, mind, and soul.

Version (Penguin) 3.6

“Version 3.6”
I wrote this long before I even knew what it would feel like
to be loved and pulled in a way that…
or wait, I did know. I knew in a juvenile version,
a purified, clear love
that had no expectations
no demands. and here we are
so very close and yet so far,
in all directions,
cycling closer moment by moment.
i’m impatient. How do you wait
when so so very close?
i feel your calm,
and humor in seeing me squirm
for something i am so positive you’ve known
for so very, very long
and you soothe me, not to worry

“Desire”
no harm no foul,
all in its right time.
that the way love goes
its not about the phsyical
alone
its about something that transendsc all we know so well
all we know to well
and here we are in this virtual space
and i know
the desire was never a sin
it was a symptom of the pull
of being so close. often derailed,
malfunctioned by lose wires

“Broke”
you and I
we each broke
in and now we see the path we’ve traversed,
our shuttle to nowhere but each other.
could you drive in your sleep and find me?
dont, but
You’ll pass familiar attrations,
ones your history past
and past has imbued in your mind with memory,
but now its time to smash
smash the pain,
and realize those memories
were just place markers for everything else

“Bodies”
your loves are real
and syphoned into different bodies
for different purpose,
patience, love
it is what you think,
not all things you think are true,
this one is.
and you know
both do

we

both do.

“Game lost”
funny is cute and damn
I must make it so hard
to keep back all you know.
this is the slowest
most excruciatingly tender end
to a game,
i’ve already lost
as soon as I remembered
and thats always been the goal,
to lose, to let it go, to find
yourself in another body,
and together to grow
of ourselves

“UP”
together grow
ourselves
by raditaitng the want, the need, the care,
the love, the 2 am, 3 am fixation
in to a powerful tangle of ecstacy,
patience,
we’re both so good at that,
too good…
but times almost up.

times up.
that scares you
it terrifies me
how much needs to tell us
this is it?
and if its not…
it is.

“Children’s Wishes”
we manifested this as children,
before and when we knew each other,
child prayers, spells, wishes
are the most powerful,
you begged me to STAY
to know you

“Higher”
and you watched,
every word flow from my mouth
and pen,
before we both understood any of what it meant,
before we both “woke”
body, mind or soul,
we were each others alarm,
sirene you sang,
and it got me
higher

“Forgot to Hide”
i sang to you
and I forgot
why I might want to hide,
and here I am doing the same,
with fingers and words,
and I want,
and I need,
and i desire
and I want you to have everything
in the same
and new capacities,

“Beautifully Grown”
you made yourself
everything beautiful you wanted to be,
and I made myself the same,
of and for me
because that it just who we were,
and you fell
in all ways to the reality
and the possiblity of future,
and then you saw me
all
grown
up…

“DAMN”
and damn…
DAMN!
no other 4 letter word captures
the breathtaking shock
and what every fantasy
of yours has been wrangled
and poured into one body,
one embodied soul that you fell for
in a different time and place,
as a spirit, mind, body.

“dimples “
Seeing that smile makes me
feel like a child again,
and points me to eyes
eyes that I cannot figure out the color,
chocolate moonstone eyes
that color change
everything you
is a testatment
to all the things i wanted for self,
or admired in
a dream love….
right down

to the wetsuit

And my favorite animal

how better to lure the Oshun?

1.24.2023

For Them I Go

Moments such as this,
When I am alone in thought and deed,
I think of all that sustains me,
Of the others from whom I gain my strength,
My motive to rise
To meet the day,
My will to be,
I am nothing without the others,
And they are everything to me,
And from them,
for them,
I will,
Even when they are not near,
Or even should they no longer be here,
I will and do,
For family, blood and otherwise,
They whom are my life force,
My lifeline,
My all,
And so for them I go,
Set out into the unknown,
The sky,
The deep,
And through it all,
I shall remember who,
Their faces etched in mind,
To sustain me,
Deep breath,
One step,
I go.

Departures

To become, I must go,
To come, I must go,
To places elsewhere,
On this plane,
In this eternity,
I must seek, so I may find,
This is a journey,
I was, and was not expecting to take,
My departure has arrived,
But know I shall return,
For you are my heart,
Now being pulled away,
But never severed from my soul,
My heart is big enough, full enough,
To take you with me,
Even when we are apart,
Distance cannot quell my love,
As the cosmos,
It is endless and withstanding time,
But I must go,
For moments merely,
That I know feel like eternities,
For that is how it feels to me,
Know that nothing
Could hold me back,
From returning to you,
For you are my being,
In a separate body,
My precious, beloved child,
No, Nothing,
Not Ice and snow,
Nor hurricane gale,

Nor hellfire,

Nothing love,
No,

Nothing.

Only a Beloved Could

Under a full moon
Last night
I dreamt of you,
I saw your face
As clear as daylight,
As real as memory can illustrate,
And in your eyes
I know you knew how I felt
When you looked at me,
Though I’m not quite sure what that was
Other than love,
And I suppose it was a gift
To see you in slumber so well,
I swear I heard your voice,
Maybe it was a message from you,
Letting me know
I wouldn’t be able to know of your being
For a time,
As has always been with us,
I will write my pieces,
And hope you still see what I have for you,
And I will continue to love and wish you well,
Praying to the infinite universe you are cared for well,
That my well meaning hands, which wish to tend to you,
Will be vicariously taken up by others,
And that you too will love and care for yourself,
The way only a beloved could