Waxing poetic on thoughts, theory & the times
I am tired,
Of the painful ache,
Of just,
Just always being out of reach of
A goal,
A something
A something good
That I have patiently waited for…
Desire is a sort of test,
A distraction;
What is not meant for you
Will not come,
No matter how long one waits;
What is meant
Will not pass you by.
Patiently, I bide my time.
Fear
Makes me deny hard truths
Only few know,
And I hide
To cover what I bare;
Regretful am I
Of this tendency
And where it leaves me here
Solitary;
I want to apologize,
For all the individual wrongs,
But I fear we’re past that now,
You have moved on,
But I am stuck
In 2022
Starting to pay for
My refusal to see
I was a problem;
It was never just someone
or something else;
But me;
My want for a fuller life
Together
Made me override,
Overrule,
Take the reigns
I had no right to hold alone;
And you knew me
When I could not see
Me for me;
Especially when I wasn’t being
Me;
I faulted you for saying
The things I did not want
To hear
And now I’m sitting here
Writing
About them,
Trying to figure out
How to climb out
Of this ocean of hurt
With waves that only tease
With a short relief of air;
I am sorry for everything,
You were right,
And now I’m not there;
No, I’m lost
Alone.
Lonely is not my end,
It is but a chapter
In my epic story;
Nights alone,
Basking in a blue light
Soothing and healing internal hurts
From love gone wrong
Is where I am meant to be,
Right now,
For now;
Tenderly mending from in to out,
Alone,
to never again be truly lonely;
Here, preparing my heart
For whatever is next,
Building its muscle
To jump back in,
Wanting,
But patient for Love,
Biding my precious time,
For someone loving,
ready and worthy of me,
And what I have to offer in return;
With one life to live,
I will appreciate the embrace of the dark
Until when I am ready and willing,
To be
embraced in the dark.
I am not sure who
I am
Sometimes,
For I lose myself
In loving others
Selflessly,
Only to be the
Battered for
Their ram
My salty,
solitary tears
At times help,
Help me float
As I drift out,
Away,
always
Alone;
Lonely
I can not do it all,
Never was meant to,
I am tired
Of hurting,
And of being alone,
This way,
I fear
my heart calcifying;
And still of me
Demanded
Blood,
From this stone
So1o love
You are loved
By someone
solo
Even if you
Do not yet
know it;
Solo love
Love you first
Your to-be
1 love
Must too
Do the same;
Then love,
And be loved,
2.
Things they fall apart,
They always do,
They always have,
The security we never knew we needed to safeguard,
Is revealed to be a powerful illusion,
We are all exposed,
Together,
Vulnerable to powers we have yet to understand,
But be steadfast in your hope,
This too shall pass,
As we brace,
And brave the unknown at a distance from our brethren,
We are closer now than we have been
For a long while,
The isolation reveals our need
For each other,
Reveals a breath that we breathe of fellowship in humanity,
We are united apart,
Bearing the storm that rages just outside,
We are apart,
Together.
She of Letters 