Self-fulfilling Prophecies

~ Vanessa ~ Leave a comment

My favorite songs
Are my self-fulfilling prophecies:
I like him,
He likes me,
But we’ve got baggage,
And he’s got a “her”,
Again;
Incompatibility
From the start
But damn it was love and passion
And heart,
It wasn’t a lie
Until we both turned,
Claiming “too hard to try” anymore,
Your fault,
My fault,
Confused;
Tears and anger coincide
I want to hate you,
Want to have you
want to love you,
To again collide;
But they say it’s too late,
Too much said and done,
Both burned
too many times

Best Friend

~ Vanessa ~ Leave a comment

My heart knows love,
It once knew it was loved in return,
But then life threw daggers at each others hearts,
And confused the source:
The cause and reason,
Blame my illness,
And I blame yours;
Fault jobs,
And money,
Close quarters,
Distance,
And meddling,
Thus, so much has been laid bare,
Exposing the sinewy complicated beneath,
And the heal seemed impossible.
Until we separated,
Like angry children
Once best friends;
And life,
Through the child,
forces us back again,
And our differences and the past
Start to seem like a cruel illusion,
But the tears
And the hurt of separation is all too real,
Tangible in each trembling heartbeat,
I mourn the loss of my lover,
But I agonize over the loss of my best friend.

Healing

~ Vanessa ~ Leave a comment

Healing is bittersweet,
It is hope with a tinge of pain,
The sting of loss,
Healing a heart is beautiful,
And sorrowful
With loss amidst the challenge
Of facing the unknown,
It is an escape room,
With the excitement from
The fear itself,
In a contained space,
The heart beats for what was,
The familiar,
And fears even the beauty of a fresh start,
Facing that conflict
is where the healing happens,
A heart is stitched together, bringing opposite sides together
Cry for what was,
But not for what could have been,
Because it wasn’t;
But there is a “will be”
On the horizon,
If you will let it come
To be.

Bad

~ Vanessa ~ 1 Comment

I can do bad
All by myself,
I heal once you’ve gone,
Hurt only in the knowledge
Of how I was played,
It was the audacity you had,
To take a good woman’s worth and affection,
And treat it as low as you could go,
I don’t need you in order to feel bad,
Damnit,
I am bad,
Badass,
Too good for what I’ve been picking,
And in my own due time, I’ll find
One,
Grown worthy of attention that is mine.

The Pilgrimage

~ Vanessa ~ Leave a comment

Summer solstice came
As my footfalls returned me here,
And with them,
a great sea-change,
Of my shelled heart,
a cracking
And from it grew,
Bloomed,
Burst forth a greater
Beating vessel,
Capable of holding more,
The conflicting emotions
And complexities of what can only come
For out-growing fear,
Of learning what to take away from lessons learned
From this recent venture home and round again;
This–my pilgrimage.

Fragrant Peony

~ Vanessa ~ Leave a comment
(Photo of my maternal grandma, and peonies from her flower garden)

Fragrant peony intermittently perfume my senses,
From those blooms set in a vase by my grandmother’s portrait,
The scent pulls me,
mind and body back to the reality
That presently exists:
My grandparents,
all 4,
have passed on,
To the other side;
And yet the viel between us
is so very thin,
In moments when I smell the peonies again,
Profound fragrance
Of flowers planted
by my mother’s mother,
Her spirit leads the others to,
and me to them,
To feel them
Still,
In the space between.