Lonely is not my end, It is but a chapter In my epic story; Nights alone, Basking in a blue light Soothing and healing internal hurts From love gone wrong Is where I am meant to be, Right now, For now; Tenderly mending from in to out, Alone, to never again be truly lonely; Here, preparing my heart For whatever is next, Building its muscle To jump back in, Wanting, But patient for Love, Biding my precious time, For someone loving, ready and worthy of me, And what I have to offer in return; With one life to live, I will appreciate the embrace of the dark Until when I am ready and willing, To be embraced in the dark.
Despite how one might read me I compulsively add caveats, Exceptions to the case; Once upon a time, Frustrated by being outside boxes provided I aimed to understand, Why the damn boxes even existed, A lifetime up to now I realize they were created for the same reason I was on a quest –To understand, A something that is beyond Our understanding –Understanding Ourselves;
See I was never an anomaly I was just the first and only me; My exceptions broke a mold that never truly fit, It’s people like me who continually fix it –The question, Not the answer; It’s ever expansive, The knowing of self, It’s the frustration, The confusion, The loss and despair, That makes us gaze in a mirror one day And appreciate the person there; Without the pains, the pleasure of being Is never so sweet, lost to be found, We only appreciate And think to look up, From the ground;
Rain came, With wind blowing in the cool mist, The drops gently falling To trace the contours of the dry land Touching all in its midst; Thirst is quenched, If just for a day, With this single spring shower; Puddles collect within dimples of earth, And slowly build, Overflow, And run freely as translucent ribbons, Streams flowing, Spreading, Mixing necessary libations Of and for life.
Here I am, Freer than I can remember being In a long while, All these fresh, glistening feelings Settle in upon me: Emotions, sensations, needs, desires; Things I’ve pushed away For so long, Too long Aspects of being, Delights of life that I have denied myself Become now apparent glittering possibilities, Present reminders of my sensitive, seductive self; Pieces I shuttered for safe keeping For too long, But never gone Only held; Rising, here and now Transformed Into a new manifestation; a Goddess, Refined with time and pressure Ready too for her due from life, In more than the hefty weight of the world, But in the ripe exquisite beauty and pleasure of its bearings, Forged and fiery, with light of the sun she gleams, A diamond emerged from the rough.
Yellow-faced dandelions push up Obstinate to the cold that still hangs in air That promises and serves frost still, To dew drops and windowpanes, Spring is here, In an in-between, limbo of seasons, Summer and winter, each hedging for the bigger presence, This is the nature of the season, Spring—mediator between hot and cold, Light and dark On this segment of the wheel of year, All determined by the closeness And felt warmth of one star.
I never realized I was held by fear of him Until I gained the strength to go; Until push came hard enough to shove And I realized I was not yet as fully powerful As I thought, While I stayed, Under his weight;
It was in the run, In running Away That I felt the surge Felt the start Of me coming into me,
In the run I saw who I was saw who I could be, Saw myself standing out of his shadow, And saw what I was capable of;