32 Years

This evening I turn 32;
A decade since I cried
With bronchitis
Not knowing what to do,
A decade since I swore I’d failed,
That not knowing what would come next
Is what was making me fail

This evening I turn 32,
So much has passed since I feared

My body was at the end of the line,

That my chance of treatment was only giving me
Borrowed time

This evening I turn 32,
A flip of my favorite number
A number I’m not sure why,
but I’m drawn to,
Everytime

This evening I turn 32,
And look back
at what 32 has brought me,
It’s not perfect
But it’s mine
My heart
Inside

And then there is
The heart that beats
Outside my breast,
And snores
To assure me,
Yes she takes another breath;
And a love that snores much deeper
Than our babe
On the other side
of my body

This evening
I turn
32,
And like at years 3 and 2
Insomnia wakes my dreams
To wonder on ,
And on,
And overthink
My next 2 to 3, to 32 years

Belief In

I will not lose hope,
I believe people are good,
I believe in redemption,
I believe people are innately good,
I believe we are deterred by want,
I believe in each is good,
I believe we often ignore our needs,
I believe in good,
I believe we lose some hope when times get tough,
I believe we doubt our own good,
I believe we lose touch when we lose hope,
I believe we lose sight,
I believe it is not gone,
I believe the capacity remains
I believe there is good,
I believe,
In hope,
I must believe,
Or I would lose
Myself too

Addicted to Love (Shadow Monsters)

8/22/19

You may be addicted
to illegal or prescription drugs,
sugar, coffee, candy, carbs,
fast cars, sex, relationships, cigarettes,
performing acts of charity,
giving,
taking,
hurting self,
Hurting others,
stealing,
beauty,
creating,
destroying,
electronics, work,
play, games,
sleeping, never sleeping, doing nothing, never stopping,
et cetera, et cetera.

But it all comes back
to the same source
—an addiction to the purest force
—Love, and feeling of
that highest good,
And we want it so much
we will sell our souls,
will change who we are,
change our direction to just
keep
the
High
—the adrenaline that reminds
we are physically here

But we become addicted to
our best intentioned,
innocent source.
The addiction takes over
and makes us forget
our
“why,”
and turns us into
shadow monsters of ourselves,

But makes us see
monsters in
everyone else.